


Pretty Little Head of Yours

by Ordinarily



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Awkward Crush, Dead Parent, Dirty Thoughts, F/M, Fluff, Fondling, Gen, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Love Confessions, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Party, Swearing, Trauma, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25560997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ordinarily/pseuds/Ordinarily
Summary: Phineas tries to hide his thoughts from Isabella. Ferb lets Vanessa in on his.Two overlapping stories.
Relationships: Candace Flynn/Jeremy Johnson, Ferb Fletcher & Phineas Flynn, Phineas Flynn/Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz/Ferb Fletcher
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	1. Phineas and Isabella

**Author's Note:**

> This is my aged-up, non-Disney take on Phineas and Ferb. **Mature themes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phineas tries to build a thought-eraser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual themes in this chapter.

Phineas wasn’t sure when things changed. It was like one day Isabella was his best friend in the same way she’d always been, and the next, the female symbol lit up in neon pink all around her and all he could think was _girl, girl, girl, Isabella is a girl_. 

He’d known about puberty and hormones and all the like but never had he expected to feel things so viscerally. He couldn’t remember a time in his life when it was like this. It was like life did it on purpose to tease him. Suddenly, it seemed Isabella landed over top of him more often, and all he could think about was pressing his body up into hers. He caught glimpses beneath her skirt completely on accident, which was strange because of all the times she'd ever climbed one of his inventions in front of him, he couldn’t remember glancing up and seeing anything but leg. He never did it on purpose, never, but out of nowhere it felt like he could feel her breasts up against his chest with every hug, smell her perfume or deodorant or laundry detergent or god knows what (but it smelled so damn good) every time she got even a little close to him. Maybe these things that made her so feminine had always been there, and it was only now that he began to notice, but Phineas wasn’t quite sure how he spent their years of friendship seeing her as “one of the guys”. 

Until now, of course.

He felt sort of wrong for it—felt like some creep, pervert, horndog, drooling after the closest non-relative female in his life, but he couldn’t help it. He tried to remind himself that it was simply biology, but then he remembered girls matured faster than boys and wondered if she’d been thinking and feeling this type of way too—even before he did… And then he imagined her doing something about the thoughts and he had to force himself to slice that train of thought before it derailed and fell in some pit he wouldn’t be able to dig it out of. He chopped it up in little pieces, lit it on fire, locked away the burnt ash in that same pit, somewhere deep in the confines of his mind.

As he looked down the metaphorical pit in his mind, he wondered if maybe he could build something to erase every one of these damned thoughts—destroy them before they’d even fully formed. 

He worked on blueprints for awhile before Ferb walked in, asking about them. Phineas scrambled to hide them, pulling a different set of blueprints for a motorized closet overtop. If Ferb remembered that they had already finished the design for it, he didn’t say so.

The worst of it came in the dead heat of summer, when Isabella showed up in their backyard unannounced. She came around less lately, hanging out more and more with the girls from her Fireside Squad. She volunteered a fair bit and helped out her mom at the restaurant a lot. Phineas hated it, but he didn’t say anything. They were still best friends, and as long as that friendship was intact, he had no place telling her how to live her life. Even if it was further apart from him.

He heard her before he saw her. “ _Whatcha doooin’?_ ” 

He smiled at the imitation of her younger self, turning around to add a joke of his own when his face fell. He forced himself not to gape as he took in her bikini-clad body on full display, tote-bag strapped over one shoulder and a towel draped over the other. Phineas’ mouth went dry. 

“Ultimate beach volleyball,” he choked out, clearing his throat and turning his attention back to his saw.

“Sorry,” Isabella asked, “I didn’t get that.”

Phineas tried again, repeating his answer only a little louder. 

“What can I do to help?” The enthusiasm in her voice was alluring.

“Set up the rocket launchers?”

“You got it, chief.” She was breezy and easy-going but Phineas nearly sliced off a finger as he fumbled. He chased away thoughts of all the other names she could call him—moan for him. (God, he really needed to build that lewd-thought-eraser-contraption.)

Ferb raised an eyebrow at him and Phineas did his best to ignore it, realigning his saw.

Volleyball took his mind off of everything. For a little bit. 

He invited Isabella to his team so he wouldn’t have to stare at her the entire time they played but now that she was next to him, he nearly thought it was worse. They high-fived and hip-bumped, passed and volleyed. Phineas had always known they worked well together, but sometimes he forgot just how well. With every win, the smile on her face was unmatched and it made his insides all gooey. 

“Hey, no fair,” Buford complained after a losing streak, “you got the two best players on one team.”

Isabella didn’t even hesitate. “Alright, I’ll switch. You don’t mind, do you, Phineas?”

Phineas tried to seem relaxed. “‘Course not.” He swallowed. “Okay, gang. Serve’s up.” 

The ball sailed over the floating net with ease, Ferb bumped it over to his left, where Baljeet sent it soaring a few miles west. 

“I got it!” called Isabella, jetting off to get it. He watched her go, pink bathing suit bringing out her complexion and… who was he kidding, her body looked amazing, he couldn’t care less about the colour or pattern or fabric. 

He must not have been paying attention—okay, he _obviously_ wasn’t paying attention—because next thing he knew, the ball was heading straight for his pointed face and then it was lights out, Phineas.

—

An angel… Phineas thought as the world came into view. He saw her blue eyes first and then the dark hair and worried expression. Behind her, the sky was bright and a different sort of blue: a pretty backdrop for fluffy clouds. The ground was soft beneath him and the breeze was light. He had to be in heaven. 

“You okay, Phin? I’m _so_ sorry,” Isabella started, helping him sit up against the tree. Behind her, he noticed everyone else was also back on the ground but the net, trampolines, and ball were still floating high above them. Ferb shined a flashlight in each of his brother’s eyes, presumably checking for a concussion. He handed him a bag of frozen peas and offered a thumbs up. Probably just a bruised nose. “I feel like ass,” she admitted.

“No, no, it’s okay, I should’ve been paying attention.”

Buford started to say something when Baljeet cut him off with an elbow to the ribs. 

“You guys keep playing. It’s probably best if I sit this one out,” Phineas said as cheerily as he could. 

“O-oh. Are you sure? It’s not going to be as fun without you,” Isabella replied. Phineas fought back the urge to throw a fist in the air and holler like a mad man.

“I’ll join next round, promise.”

“I hate to be _that_ guy,“ Irving started, “but the teams are uneven.”

“Oh. Guess I’ll just have to sit this one out, too.” Phineas watched as Isabella took her seat next to him, rubbing at her wrist. 

“Aw, come on, both of our star players are out?” Buford whined.

“I’ll crush you,” Ferb said calmly, switching on his gravity pack and flying up to meet the net.

“Oh, it is _on,_ British man!” 

They watched as the rest of their friends bounced off the holographs and spring contraptions, cheering and whooping with every hit.

“How’s your nose?” 

Phineas lifted the frozen bag and turned to her, crossing his eyes in an attempt to see the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know, you tell me.”

She laughed and crossed her eyes right along with him. “Looks great, I see nothing wrong at all.”

He chuckled, and let his gaze land on her, recognizing the motion of his quickly beating heart. 

“No, seriously,” she tried again, still as lighthearted as ever, “how is it?”

“Throbbing a little, but all good. Does it look that bad?”

“No."

“Terrible liar,” Phineas chastised. 

“It’s only a _little_ purple!” she admitted.

He waved his hand. “I’ve had worse. Think we’ve all had worse, actually.” It was only quiet for a moment before he spoke up again. “How’s… your summer going?”

He cringed at how awkward it sounded even as he said it but she didn’t seem to notice. “It’s been really rewarding. The animals at the shelter are so great. A little love and you would never know they were ever mistreated.”

“Let me know if I can do anything for them.”

“Well... it is a _little_ cramped. And an automatic washing station would do wonders.”

“Done.” 

And then it was quiet for a little while except for the sound of Phineas’ pounding heart.

They spoke at the same time.

“Do you—“

“How’s your—“

They both laughed awkwardly, inviting the other to speak first.

“Sorry, what were you—“

“Oh, you first—uh—“

Isabella gestured for Phineas to speak first. 

He smiled, feeling himself sweating and hoped he could blame it on the heat. “I was just gonna ask if you wanted some lemonade or something?” he offered.

“Yeah, sure.” She smiled softly and Phineas nearly doubled over. She was so pretty it hurt. 

Inside, he downed a full glass and then another, leaning against the counter. Man, he was _whipped_. 

He had just fixed a tray with the full jug and glasses for everyone when he heard the patio door slide open. He turned around, expecting one of his siblings but in walked Isabella. “Figured you could use some help with that,” she said.

“It’s just the one tray, I got it. Thanks, though.”

“You can’t hold an ice pack to your nose _and_ carry a tray.”

“Sounds like a challenge.”

“Oh-no! What have I done?!” she teased, walking over to him. And then: “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She got closer to him, suddenly serious. 

“Swears,” he promised, steeling himself against the counter. 

He yelped as she held his face in place, squinting and leaning even closer to examine the bruise. As light as a feather, Isabella moved her finger to touch the bridge of his nose. His shoulders jumped at the pain and she pulled back like his skin had burned her. “Shoot, sorry. It hurts, doesn’t it? I think it might be broken."

“Nah,” he tried to say through a voice crack. He swallowed, hoping his next words wouldn’t make him sound like an absolute loser. “It’s all good.”

Truthfully, Phineas wasn’t sure whether it really was “all good" or not but if Isabella continued to hover this close to him, he would lose his damn mind. 

He could kiss her from here. It would be so easy. Her mouth, inches from his, he could just—

She pressed her whole body against his, still holding his face. There was a strangled whine at the back of his throat that he almost let slip out. He had half a mind to turn and grab the tray still on the counter, just so he could put some distance between them.

He tried to catch her eye but she was focussed lower, on his nose, so he let his gaze drop to her mouth and fought with himself over whether he should make a move.

“Really, Phineas, I think you should get it checked out. It’s still swell—“ 

Isabella stopped cold in her tracks.

Phineas hadn’t really even registered it. He’d been so preoccupied with the feeling of her body on his that he hadn’t really taken notice of his own. She pulled back a little like she wasn’t quite sure, and then further, her widening eyes unmoving from his and a small gasp leaving those lips.

All at once, Phineas understood. 

“Shit,” he mumbled. He whispered an apology, turned around, and rushed to the bathroom. Isabella stood frozen in their kitchen.

She most definitely felt it. 

The shock on her face flashed through his mind. Phineas couldn’t remember the last time he was this embarrassed. He tried to think of anything except for her: his grandparents, global warming, taxidermy, the cold vacuum of space, Perry’s litter box. Nothing worked. It was like his brain knew he was trying to push away indecent thoughts and refused to redirect its blood flow. 

He stood there for two minutes, then five, waiting… He had half a mind to just take care of himself right there and then, but also had the overwhelming feeling someone might catch him. It took nearly ten minutes before he cooled down. 

He stopped at the freezer on his way back to the yard and swapped his bag of pees for a colder one, hoping it was a believable enough excuse if anyone asked where he’d gone. No one did, but he sat out the next few games.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Isabella glancing at him by the lemonade tray she’d brought out and set up. He almost walked over to break the tension but every time he worked up the nerve, his cheeks burned and his legs refused to move. It didn’t take long for everyone to notice the lemonade and snacks, and bring their game to a halt. Phineas found joining the crowd a little easier and initiated a conversation with Baljeet, albeit a little forcefully. 

By the time his mom came home, a giant whale had crushed the gravity-shifter to pieces and rolled away with the net, trampolines, and boosters. Candace let out a defeated breath but smiled. She’d long since given up busting her brothers in favour of joining in on the fun, but sometimes it still got to her. Jeremy wrapped an arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled, biting into a cookie. It was nice having her home for the summer before she went back off to college in the fall.

Their yard eventually cleared out with each of their friends heading home. Isabella hung around, chatting with Ferb, Candace, and Jeremy. Perry strolled by, jumping inside the house as Linda slid open the patio door. “Oh, there you are, Perry.” She invited Isabella and Jeremy to stay for dinner, so long as they helped prepare. 

Jeremy, who was already quite fond of cooking, accepted graciously. Isabella hesitated, looking between Phineas and his mother. Phineas must have looked panicked or ashamed or some combination of the two because Isabella thanked her but said her mom was expecting her home. 

She looked like she wanted to add something, but with all eyes on her, she waved goodbye and headed out. Phineas blew out of breath.

“What happened?” Ferb asked him quietly when they were alone in the yard.

Phineas shook his head in response, blew out a breath, and dejectedly stepped inside.

***

Isabella called him several times that night. 

He wasn’t sure what she could possibly have to tell him. _Hey, Phineas, just calling to say that our friendship is terminated effective immediately after the indecency displayed on your part earlier on in the day._

Nah, that didn’t sound like her. It was more like, _Hey, Phin, I’m just sort of uncomfortable with what happened today and I’m not sure we can be friends anymore._

Yeah. That one hurt. But so long as he didn’t pick up the phone, she wouldn’t be able to end their friendship and that was good enough for him. 

He hoped to god she didn’t think he saw her as a piece of meat, or an object, or whatever other metaphor was used to describe women’s bodies. He was just… really in love with her and also a horny teenager.

He was pretty sure Ferb had plans with Vanessa and her friends tonight, so he plopped down in his rolling chair, pulled out the plans for his indecent-thoughts-destroying-machine, and got to work.

It was around 9:30 when he thought he had a pretty good basis to start building. He was just about to head to the garage—it wasn’t like he’d be able to sleep anyway—when there was a light tapping against his window. He figured Ferb had forgotten something and drew up the blinds. Where he expected Ferb to hover just outside, wearing a jetpack or something, he found Isabella down below, throwing tiny pebbles at his glass.

He moved Perry’s bed slightly, and sat up on the ledge, his heart hammering to a halt in his chest. He lifted the window and tried to sound nonchalant. “Oh, hey, Isabella, what’s up?”

“Why are you ignoring my calls?”

“Oh,” he said, feigning oblivion. “I didn’t see them. My phone is charging.” Even as the words came out of his mouth, he wondered if she’d believe them.

“Can I come in?” she asked instead.

He searched desperately for an excuse, any excuse, but came up short. Begrudgingly, he made his way down the stairs and to his front door, opening it to find her already standing there. She seemed flushed but never any less beautiful.

“Oh, hi, Isabella.” His mom appeared from the staircase, dressed up with his dad in tow. “Did you guys have plans?”

Isabella, prepared as ever, was quick with her response. “There’s a new Monsters Revenge movie out on blue ray. Phineas and I were planning to watch it tonight. Right, Phin?” She held up the DVD and smiled innocently. 

“Y-yeah. I must have forgotten to tell you. Sorry, mom.”

“Oh, that’s alright. Why don’t you two set up in the living room? There are snacks and drinks in the kitchen.”

“Do _you_ guys have plans?” Phineas asked, referring to the attire of his parents. 

His mother shrugged, smiling coyly. “Must have forgotten to tell you.”

He really did not enjoy these games with his mother. 

“Alright, dears, be good,” said his father. “We’re off to _Chez Platypus_."

“I thought they shut that place down,” Isabella whispered to Phineas. 

“Candace and Jeremy are out so it looks like you’ve got the place to yourselves,” his mom told him as she shut the door. “Have fun, kids.”

It was like… she was… mocking him… Phineas thought slowly. 

“You ready?” Isabella asked, sliding the disk in the DVD player. 

Phineas spun around in disbelief at her utter refusal to address their situation. 

“Yeah…” he said steadily. “Just let me make some popcorn.”

Phineas sat through the majority of the movie tense and flustered, grabbing handfuls of popcorn from the bowl between them. Isabella seemed unbothered, munching and laughing at the horrible graphics, not tearing her eyes away from the screen, save to look at where she was digging in the bowl.

Eventually, they finished the bowl and Isabella moved it graciously off the sofa and onto the coffee table. Phineas sat ever so still but focused on her every move from the corner of his eye. He tried not to jump when she slid her feet into his lap, lying down across their awful green couch. He met her eye hesitantly and she smiled briefly before turning her attention back to the movie.

It was all so… normal.

And it was then that he let himself actually follow the movie. It was terrible but hate-watching was a hobby all its own. He slid a hand over the bottom of her crossed legs and settled back into the couch.

“So what’d ya think?” she asked as the credits rolled.

“Are we sadistic for laughing at murder?” Phineas asked instead.

Isabella laughed genuinely, her eyes crinkling at the sides, and his brain short-circuited. Well, the normalcy was nice while it lasted.

“Maybe a little.”

They spoke about the movie for a little while, the gore and the plot—or lack thereof—and the sound design. Finally, Phineas checked the time. It was still relatively early. “You wanna try out Intergalactic Star Battles? I’ve been meaning to play it but… you know, summer.”

She followed him up the stairs and to his room where he dug out the game from beneath a pile of others. Just as he was sliding it into the console, Isabella asked, “Ooh, what are these?”

Phineas felt his blood go cold even before he saw her spinning back and forth in his chair, lifting the blue prints up like a newspaper.

He leapt up from the ground and nearly tackled her to the floor trying to grab them. “N-nothing! It’s not really done yet, still just an idea honestly—it’s pretty embarrassing, you don’t need to see those!”

“Why’s my name written on here?” She slowed to a stop, giving Phineas time to snatch the plans from her hands. He squeezed them behind his back, backing up until he could drop them in the trash by his door. He stomped them in as Isabella walked up to him curiously.

She said his name softly. 

He swallowed. “Yes?”

“What were those?”

Phineas sighed. “I don’t…” He sat her down on his bed. “Listen, I don’t want you thinking that I see you as nothing but, you know... breasts and hips. What happened today, I—“

Isabella cut him off. “I know, Phin. It happens to guys, it doesn’t always mean anything. We were in the same eight grade health class, remember?” 

He did. He’d been so interested back then, only ever seeing the human body through the lens of science. He hadn’t understood the discomfort of his classmates—hell, even Ferb had looked a little uncomfortable, shifting in his seat slightly at words like ‘erection’. But not Phineas, nope, all he’d seen was biology and diagrams.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “I know it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not a big deal.”

He blinked at her. Okay. All was good. They could go back to normal. (Except that it did mean something to Phineas, but he wasn’t going to follow those breadcrumbs, at least not right now—hopefully not ever.)

“So what were the plans for?"

(It seemed the breadcrumbs had grown arms and had decided to viciously yank him along their path.)

Phineas let out a breath through his nose, combing his fingers through his hair. “I was trying to get rid of the thoughts,” he admitted.

“Thoughts?” 

He couldn’t tell if Isabella knew where this was going but he decided it best to be blunt. “Of you.”

He waited for what felt like an eternity before she spoke up. “Why do you want to get rid of—oh. _Oh._ ”

Phineas looked away, cheeks flushing. 

“I mean… you’re not the only one in the world to have thoughts like that. You don’t have to invent something to get rid of them! That’s probably not healthy anyway…”

“Iz, I know, I just—I don’t want what happened today happening again. I never meant to make you uncomfortable, I—Man, I feel like a perv.”

Isabella grabbed his hands from where she was sitting. “You’re not a perv, Phin, come on. You’re one of the most respectful people I know. You don’t always get to control the things going on in here.” She pointed to his temple. “Trust me…” she said, looking away. Phineas thought he almost caught the hint of a blush dusting her cheeks.

“You’ve got experience with this, I take it?” What was he _doing_?! That was none of his busine—

“I don’t know if this is the right time to admit this but… I had a crush on you when we were kids, you know? Puberty was… something.”

Phineas wasn’t sure if he heard her right. The words came in increments: _crush, kids, puberty_ … He processed them slowly. And then again. And… one more time.

He stammered. “Oh—I—You did? I had no idea… I’m sorry,“ he laughed. “That must’ve been frustrating.”

She laughed with him. “Yes. Yes, it was."

The image of Isabella having any of the thoughts that he had about her about _him_ pushed him into dangerous territory. He sat on his bed next to her so he wouldn’t have to look at her so directly. 

It was quiet for a beat but something about her confession was starting to bother him. “When did you stop?"

“I guess… When I realized it wasn’t going anywhere.”

Phineas fell back on his bed, incredulous. He really was not a stressed out person but this… he was worried about his blood pressure. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner,” he said softly. 

“Realize what?”

Fuck it. If he was going to do it, he’d do it the way he always did: passionately and wholeheartedly. “How amazing you are. How skilled and beautiful and incredible and dedicated and—“ he sat up to meet her eyes, “—amazing you are. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before, but it’s all I see now.”

“Phineas…”

“And that’s not the horny talking,” he said. “I mean, maybe some of it.” 

His heart was in his throat but he pushed it down at the way she smiled. “It’s a good thing I still think you’re cute. And wonderful, and optimistic and creative and—“

Phineas couldn’t stop himself. She was already meeting him halfway as he leaned in, pressing his mouth against hers. It was slow and gentle and everything he imagined kissing Isabella would be until it wasn’t. It didn’t take long before her tongue touched his lightly and pulled back. He chased her, wrapped up in her scent and hair and body and overwhelmed in the best way. He kissed her quickly and slowed again, cupping her cheek, before he realized he was on top of her. 

He pulled away to make eye contact with her, asking a million silent questions. She nodded and he took it as a sign to keep going. He’d imagined this so many times before but nothing compared to the real deal. She slid her arms over his shoulders, drawing him closer. When their hips met, he shivered and kissed her deeper. 

Years of memories flooded him: backyard adventures, camping trips, movie marathons, homecoming, bus rides, house parties. Every early morning sunrise and starry night, every ice cream date and building escapade and late-night phone call.

Some voice in the back of his head told him he was putting all of it in jeopardy but a louder one shouted that this kind of love was better than it all.

He moved just south of her mouth, leaving a trail of gentle kisses down her neck where he spent some time experimenting. Light touches seemed to pull more reaction out of her than anything open-mouthed. He was calculated with his pressure and when he felt her squirm at a particular spot, he sucked the skin between his lips.

He heard Isabella suppress a gasp and move out from underneath him to sit on top. They went back to kissing and grinding their hips, the new angle sending Phineas bucking up into her. His mouth fell open and he moved a hand to the back of her neck to kiss her deeper. Her hands roamed over his chest and shoulders, giving her leverage to move easier.

Phineas lost all ability to think. 

He felt down her back and up her sides, slipping his hands beneath her shirt, where he kept them safely by her ribcage. Isabella seemed impatient with his restraint. When she pulled off her top, it was game over for him. 

He swallowed harshly, unsure where to go from here. “Phin, please, do something,” she said softly and connected their mouths again.

Phineas froze. He’d been somewhat unstable for the majority of this interaction, but now he was downright nervous. “Feel like offering up some guidance?” he said against her lips.

She smiled and moved his hands over the cups of her bra. 

He wasn’t sure what he expected, if he’d ever even thought about it—well, obviously he’d thought about it, but not really like this—but he took a second to stare down at the pale pink fabric. Lace covered the sides and there was a tiny bow in the middle. It was so Isabella and yet, he had trouble believing it really was her.

“Are you just gonna stare?” she teased.

“Am I allowed to?”

“Sure.”

“Then yes.” 

He moved his hands, unsure just how he was supposed to go about this. But Isabella smiled at him reassuringly and kissed him again so he figured he must be doing something right. 

Phineas hoped he continued to do something right for the rest of his life.

—

Ferb got home pretty late—or early, depending on how you looked at it. He was grateful for the absence of a curfew—not many parents were willing to give that kind of freedom to their kid, but Ferb had been responsible his whole life. He and his brother both.

They won award after award in school, kept their grades up, took extracurriculars, and always had time to build something new. They had so many patents, Linda had to change their home phone number to dodge calls from buyers. No sir, ma’am, their inventions were not for sale. Well, not the blueprints anyway. They’d sold a decent amount of their inventions to the government and donated a good chunk to places that needed them: better equipment in hospitals, farming machines that made food available to everyone, road redirection tools that nearly wiped out traffic altogether. Hell, they’d pretty much eradicated homelessness in the tri-state area. They planned to go global with everything, but they still had a couple of years left in their teens, so they figured the world could wait while they figured out how to navigate high school and puberty and… relationships. Vanessa flashed through his head and he quickly pushed her away—gently, of course. There was time to think about her later.

He trudged up the stairs as quietly as he could, pushing open the door to his shared room. He’d just tugged off his shirt and was about change out of his jeans when he finally glanced at Phineas’ bed. In the darkness, something looked different.

Ferb squinted. Something tossed and he realized, with a start, that it was not his brother. Long dark hair flopped over and Ferb all but howled. He almost picked up a nearby hanger—unsure quite exactly how he planned to defend himself with it, but he’d figure it out—until he spotted the familiar patch of bright red. It didn’t take Ferb very long to put two and two together, and he forced himself to not let out any startled noises in the process. 

He grabbed his pillow, a blanket, and a T-shirt, before high-tailing it out of there. Quietly, of course. As he made his way back down the flight of stairs, Ferb couldn’t help but remember every instance where Isabella couldn’t hold back tears at the prospect of Phineas crushing on another girl, while Phineas’ eyebrows had furrowed as he’d watched Brock Minym ask her to homecoming, and later, when he’d had to comfort her after Brock stood her up.

Ferb set up camp on the sofa in their living room.

All he could think about was the two of them together. It’d always made sense but the both of them were so oblivious, Ferb wasn’t really sure if it was ever actually going to happen. He hoped he was right about the mass of dark hair in Phineas’ bed, or things were going to be real awkward tomorrow.

He thought about it.

Things were likely going to be awkward no matter what. 


	2. Ferb and Vanessa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferb's got stuff to figure out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of diseased parent
> 
> Also, fair warning, this is an absolute trainwreck <3

Give enough whimsical answers to questions you’re asked and people will begin to refrain from asking you things. Ferb was eternally grateful for this particular principle this morning. He awoke from the couch, groggy and somewhat hungover, and hobbled to the kitchen. His family greeted him and he offered a polite good-morning, before stopping dead in his tracks. He turned around, hand still on the knob of the opened cupboard door and narrowed his eyes at the table.

Ferb counted. One Dad, one Mom, one Candace, one Phineas. They spoke amongst themselves about the plans for the day and the current news, and Ferb was sure something seemed off. He’d expected another person at their table this morning. It hit him like a ton of bricks and he fumbled, accidentally clanking his bowl against the others in the cupboard. No one noticed, so he took his usual seat and poured himself a relatively small bowl of cereal and filled his glass to the brim with OJ.

His father laughed. “Long night, my boy?”

Ferb managed a smile and a sheepish nod. 

Lawrence got up to fetch something off of their counter and slid over a tub of tablets, winking at him. _Vitamin B6_. Thanks, Dad.

“Well, I’m off,” he said, placing his mug in the sink and kissing Linda on top of her head.

Linda and Candace left together for a girls' shopping trip and then it was just him and Phineas.

Ferb had every intention to clap him on the back, but his brother beat him to it. “Seems like you had fun last night.”

Ferb swallowed his bite of cereal. “You should talk. Phinabella.”

Phineas broke out into a smile and shook his head. “Dude, man. Dude. It was so awesome. She’s so awesome, I—He looked around as if to make sure the house really was empty. I think I’m in love.”

If Ferb hadn’t known any better, he would’ve teased his brother for words like those after one night with a girl. But he did know better, and he knew Phineas had been in love with her since the eighth grade. “I think she loves you, too,” Ferb said in return, knowing it to be true.

“Did you know about this?” Phineas asked him warily.

“Everyone knew.” 

Ferb shovelled another spoonful of cereal in his mouth before swallowing two tablets with his whole glass of juice. In this time Phineas was silent, but Ferb could feel his aura, bright and beaming. It was nice to see him so happy—although this wasn't particularly out of character for Phineas.

“Are you official?” 

Phineas seemed to snap out of his daze. “Oh, man, you’re right, Ferb. We didn’t really—I mean we did talk about it but, frankly, there wasn’t a lot of talking going on. Okay, alright, I’ll call her.”

“How’d she get out?” 

Phineas looked unbothered as he got up and dialled, like it was an obvious answer in the first place. “Teleported her this morning.” He placed the phone next to his ear and squeezed a fist by his side as he clenched his teeth in anticipation, widening his eyes in Ferb’s direction before spinning on his heels. He heard his brother's voice carry as he walked toward the opposite end of the house. “Iz, hey.”

Ferb let himself think about his night. 

He hadn’t really planned on drinking but Lacie showed up to their campfire with a bottle of vodka and he figured, what the hell. 

_Had_ he figured that, really? Or had he been trying to impress Vanessa? Either way, he was starting to resent that kind of behaviour. Alcohol solved nothing.

Vanessa, who’d driven there, stayed sober and offered him a ride back. The trip was mostly silent while Ferb tried to get his world to stop teetering on a seesaw. 

“You okay?” she’d asked him as they got on the overpass. He’d expected her to play rock music over the car speakers. Instead, she rolled down her window a crack in the silence. 

He nodded. 

“You’re even quieter when you’re drunk.” It was lighthearted and meant to be teasing but Ferb offered her a genuine reply.

“I’m not really. But people choose what they want to listen to.”

“Alright, man, I see you. I see you.”

And then she was quiet for the rest of the ride.

She pulled up in front of his house and Ferb sat still, staring straight ahead. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off or wrong or simply different.

Vanessa angled her entire body towards him, silent for a moment, then finally asked, “What’s up?”

He shook his head. “No, nothing. Thank you for the ride.” And then he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek to say goodbye. 

As he walked up his front steps, Vanessa called out to him. He turned and hunched slightly to meet her eye past the frame of her car. “If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”

And then she smiled at him and pulled away from the curb, while Ferb stood there, dumbfounded. 

No one had ever told him that before.

Phineas came strolling back into the room now, clutching his phone in a fist. 

Ferb smiled at him. 

“It’s official,” he said, grinning from ear to ear and tossing his phone on the kitchen table, plopping back down in his chair. “What d’ya wanna do today?”

Ferb stared at his brother, waiting for him to rephrase.

Phineas looked at him eagerly, with no intention to revoke his question. 

“We could…” The words sounded foreign in his throat. “We could—“ All at once, Ferb knew. “Let’s throw a party.” 

“Sounds like fun!”

The brothers got to writing out blueprints for the snack machines and sound system. They had to soundproof the backyard, which meant building an indivisible dome of sorts within the borders of their fence so their parents and neighbours could sleep without disturbance. 

Thirteen minutes later, they decided: fuck it, and built a giant waterfall. Phineas asked Isabella to rewrite the invitations to include “bring your bathing suit”. 

***

Ferb stared at himself in the mirror, blowing out a breath. 

For some reason, seeing his brother so happy gave him some sort of bravado he didn’t know he’d previously lacked. 

“You ready?” asked Phineas when Ferb walked into their room. He was tying his shoe on his bed, not looking at him. 

Ferb caught the beginnings of a sunset through their window as he grabbed for the cell phone on his night stand.

“Did you invite Vanessa?” his brother asked in a light, singsonging voice. 

“Have I told you I’m really happy for you?” Ferb asked him seriously. 

Phineas’ face fell before a small smile spread over his lips. “Thank you.” The bruise over his nose was nearly gone, Ferb noticed. “I, uh… yeah, it’s new but it’s... really nice. And it’s not weird, ya know?” He looked sort of sheepish but Ferb did know. “So? Did you invite her?”

He checked his phone for a text back from her.

_Sounds dope. I’ll be there._

“That was her, wasn’t it?”

Ferb fought a smile. 

*** 

“Aren’t you a little young to be ordering fifty pizzas?” 

Phineas looked at the delivery driver, then to the yard full of teenagers behind him and then down at his striped t-shirt. “No. No, I don’t think I am.” 

Candace appeared over his shoulder to help him carry the boxes to various tables set up along their fence. “Did Mom tell you you could do this? I got so busted for throwing a party once when I was your age.” 

Phineas was jovially shamefaced. “You see the giant waterfall, right? Besides, she’s got that charity event tonight.”

“Alright, but if by some miracle this is still here when she gets back, this is on you.” She pointed at him and Phineas put his hands up in surrender. Candace grinned. "So... you and Isabella?”

“Word travels fast, huh?”

“Sorta. I always knew you two would end up together.”

“Yeah, apparently everyone knew except for me.” 

“So, how’d it finally happen?”

Phineas flashed hot, almost knocking over the stack of boxes he’d just placed. “Uh...” 

Candace seemed to recognize that reaction and shoved him on the shoulder. “You didn’t!”

He tugged at the collar of his shirt, face burning. “It just sort of happened, I don’t know!” he shouted. 

Candace burst out laughing. “ _My_ little brother—“

He heard Isabella before he saw her and made a “zip-it” motion at his sister. “Hey, Phineas.”

He turned to face her. “Hey, Isabella. What’s—“ He cleared a crack in his voice. “What’s up?”

“Great party.” 

“You’re really just complimenting yourself now.”

She smirked. “Yes. Yes, I am. That waterfall’s all you, though.” 

Phineas looked around. A good chunk of people had already arrived and Candace was bidding them goodbye just as she spotted Jeremy. Phineas figured he could take a break from playing host for awhile. “Wanna test it out?”

Isabella was already pulling off her top to reveal a spotted black and white one-piece bathing suit. “Race you!” 

Phineas cheered as he jumped straight into where the falls pooled out, side by side his new girlfriend. They resurfaced, smiles wide, and swam over to where Buford and Baljeet seemed engaged in a heated debate. 

They joined in for a bit, arguing over whether orange soda or rootbeer was better, but it didn’t take long for Buford to notice—or, presumably more accurately, smell—the pizza and go running out. Baljeet followed suit, along with most people in the water.

Phineas turned to Isabella. “Wanna see something cool?”

“Always.” He indicated for her to follow as he swam over to the stream of the waterfall and then through it. 

Behind the falls was a shallow cave where the sound of rushing water was muffled and vents built into the damp walls blew warm air around them as they climbed up.

“Oh, Phin, it’s awesome.” 

“And private,” Phineas said as he leaned in to kiss her. 

***

Ferb ran into Vanessa on accident and nearly spilt beer on her.

“Hey, Ferb. Great party.”

He opened his mouth to reply when Johnny came staggering over, wrapping an arm around Vanessa, seemingly already tipsy.

Ferb looked at the sky to make sure it was indeed still too early to be drunk. Vanessa seemed to catch on, smiling coyly before turning to Johnny and doing her best to hold him up. “Alright, let’s get you some water. I’ll catch you later, okay, Ferb?” she said over her shoulder. 

Ferb waved and, once she’d turned around completely, chugged the remnants of his beer. 

Fuck that guy. 

He found Candace and Jeremy in a corner of their yard, talking over slices of pizza. “Dude,” Jeremy said as he approached, “the taco machine is insane! I just ate, like, _six_ different tacos.”

“It was Phineas’ idea,” Ferb told him. “Incidentally, I need to ask you both for a favour.”

“I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you speak in my life,” Jeremy pointed out. 

Candace waved him off and nodded at Ferb to continue. He searched the yard for where Vanessa and Johnny were huddled with snacks and water. The couple followed his gaze and Candace smiled in understanding. “We’re on it.”

Ferb excused himself to check on the snack equipment and grab a taco in the process. They were running low on shredded cheese but everything else seemed in order. It was as he was finishing the last of his snack and asking their mixologist robot for a mojito that he heard Vanessa’s voice. “These tacos are amazing.”

He tapped the remaining bit of his taco against hers, as if to cheers, and popped it in his mouth. Vanessa offered him a smile and he looked at her questioningly.

“Oh, Johnny? Yeah, your sister offered to bring him inside. I think he just needs to sleep it off. Between you and me, he’s got some stuff going on in his life."

She didn’t elaborate and Ferb didn’t ask but he suddenly felt a little guilty for his earlier judgement. 

He’d grown a little taller than Vanessa over the course of the year and it seemed she was still getting used to his height; like she was a little surprised every time she looked up at him that she had to look up at him at all. If he was being honest, he kind of liked that she had to look up at him. “What’s in the drink?”

He picked up the glass from the counter and offered it to her. “Mojito. Would you like it? I think I’m going to refrain from alcohol for the rest of the night.”

Vanessa looked at him, really looked. “Honestly, I would, but I’m driving.”

“Why don’t you crash here?”

“Ah, I don’t know. I gotta bring home Johnny and Lacie, I—“

Ferb looked at her blankly. 

“And… you’ve got teleportation devices. Right. Right. Well, okay then." She swiped the drink from the table, clinking it in the air, and sipped. “Hey, this is really good.”

Ferb smiled. “Have fun tonight, okay?"

And then he went inside to get more shredded cheese. 

***

Phineas was clearing out empty pizza boxes later in the night when he caught up with his brother.

People had started riding the waterfall down with the gravity shifting they’d installed along the stream and Phineas smiled to himself as he heard yet another kid cheer on the way down.

Ferb poured more tequila into the drink cartridge next to him.

“So, how’s it going with Vanessa?” Phineas prompted.

Ferb shrugged. “Good. Seems like she’s having fun.”

Phineas paused and then stopped altogether. “Alright, what’s up? Johnny’s out of the way. Whadya doin’, man?”

“I just… Look at her.” Vanessa hollered from the top of the waterfall before cannonballing into the body of the water. She resurfaced as beautiful as ever and swam over to Candace, Jeremy, and Stacy. “I don’t want to bother her.”

Phineas moved a hand to his brother’s shoulder. “Trust me when I tell you: you won’t.”

Ferb sighed, still unsure. “I don’t know if I could—"

“Ferb!” The familiar voice came from the water where Vanessa wadded over to the edge, draping her arms over the stone ledge like some sort of sea siren. A beautiful, enchanting sea siren. “Are you coming?” she called, waving him over.

Phineas looked at him. “It seems you’ve been requested.” He motioned for Ferb to hand him the refill bottles.

Ferb did so and started on a light jog, turning around halfway to make a zip-it motion to his brother, not unlike the one he himself had motioned earlier. 

Phineas watched his brother slip in the water with her. He kept his gaze on them for a second, thinking, then started off on a jog of his own. Isabella’s smile was bright as he ran up to her. “You busy?"

“That depends entirely on the words that follow that question.”

Phineas grinned. 

They really did make an incredible team. Within half an hour, the materials were delivered, they’d obtained a proper license, and Phineas had everything ready to go. He gave Gretchen a thorough explanation of the controls and made some last-minute adjustments. Finally, he met Isabella back in his yard.

“Not-a-Plan is a go,” she said softly to him.

“Now, we just have to wait for the right moment. There’s a few-minute delay, so we’re going to have to time it right.”

“Vanessa’s over there… Where’s Ferb?”

Phineas looked around. He squinted at the waterfall, and watched as Ferb popped up from beneath the water, shaking his hair out and making Vanessa laugh as he splashed her. 

Isabella pulled out her phone as soon as she saw them, cueing her team. Phineas eyed his brother for any signs of potential movement away from Vanessa. When he was sure there wasn’t, he grabbed Isabella’s hand and led her inside. “Come on!”

They’d just climbed on the roof when the fireworks started. Phineas helped her sit in front of him and wrapped his arms around her. 

“You really do make the most amazing things,” she said softly to him.

“I always appreciate the help.” He dropped his chin to her shoulder, so he could whisper close. “I’m so happy you’re mine.” He planted a kiss on her cheek and then on her lips when she turned to meet him.

The unfolding of this event was likely why neither of them noticed that, down below, Ferb found himself out front, helping Johnny into a teleportation watch, and Vanessa ended up standing by the snack table, alone, sipping a vodka cranberry. 

\--

Ferb found her after the show, sitting against their fence.

“Damn, you guys always pull off the sickest shit,” she told him.

“Actually, I had nothing to do with this one,” he said sitting down next to her.

She raised an eyebrow but didn’t press him. “Johnny went home?”

Ferb nodded. Sucked in a breath. The silence was... nice... for once—for once, it didn’t feel like it swallowed him up and trapped him in its grip—and he didn’t want to ruin it. But he did. “Do you think it’s possible for something to be just… slightly off? Like, it’s nearly perfect, except for this one circumstance which throws the whole thing off?”

“How much did you drink, exactly?”

He fell silent and smiled. It’s true that he wasn’t making much sense.

Vanessa responded anyway. “But, no. I believe in destiny. Things that are meant to be are perfect as they are."

Ferb wasn’t sure how he felt about that answer. He swallowed, unsure if he’d ever had as much faith in destiny. 

“Can I ask you something?” she prompted.

Ferb looked at her expectantly.

“You never fill space by talking,” she said.

“That’s more of a statement.”

“I guess I just… Never mind. I—sorry, it’s not my place.”

Ferb’s heart clenched and he went back and forth with himself internally for a moment. He could just… not tell her. 

He could easily brush this off.

“When I was young, I… saw my mother die. It sent me into shock and I became mute. Took years of therapy. I think, after a while, I just got used to not speaking. Besides, you find out a lot about people that way. And I quite like learning about others.”

Vanessa stilled. “Ah… I see. So you’re really just gathering enough information to plan everyone’s slow demise."

Ferb let out a startled laugh. “Yes. Precisely.”

“Really, though,” she said, moving a hand to his shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

He didn’t look at her as he removed her hand from his shoulder and held it in his instead. 

Maybe he could talk to her about all the shit that ate him up inside one day but… not tonight. 

Tonight was for fun.

And fun it was, Ferb decided, getting a round of drinks for everyone, including himself. They drank a little more, played some party games, and giggled about nothing, as drunk people do.

Most of the party had gone home by the time Ferb had a moment alone with his brother again. “So, how’d you like the fireworks?” Phineas prompted.

Ferb smiled and nodded. 

Phineas’ face fell. “Aw, what? You didn’t even get to see them, did you?”

“No, I did,” Ferb reassured him. 

“But…”

“But I was helping Johnny home,” he sighed.

"Well, that was awfully nice of you." It was then that he noticed Phineas glancing around the two of them. “Where’s… you know?”

“Bathroom,” Ferb told him.

“So, did you?”

Ferb shook his head. “I’m not sure it’s the right—“

Isabella interrupted them. “Hey, guys, some kid just threw up in the waterfall. Should I call in the cleanup crew?”

Phineas looked impatient suddenly. Like he wasn’t quite sure if the night should be over yet.

“What about the filter?” he asked her.

“Jammed.”

“Yeah, alright. Please and thank you.”

Isabella gave a little salute, pulling out her phone as she walked away.

Phineas focused on his brother again, gears whirling. “So—“

“Hey, guys, what’d I miss?” Vanessa peaked out from behind Ferb, and Phineas watched as Ferb gripped his escaping soul and pulled it back into his body. Vanessa laughed as he clenched his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist as an apology for the scare. Ferb seemed to relax, slinging an arm over her shoulder to draw her in closer. Phineas looked between the two of them and made the decision right there and then that they didn’t need a plan.

This would happen on its own time, without his meddling. He only hoped his brother wouldn’t be as oblivious as he was. 

Although, he had to admit, the fireworks were a pretty good idea, if he did say so himself. 

“Aw, some guy’s puking in the waterfall,” Vanessa pointed out and the brothers followed her gaze.

And, so, the night had indeed come to an end. Phineas bid them a small wave and jogged over to meet up with the cleanup crew.

\--

The sun was starting to rise as the last remnants of the party made their way into an industrial-sized dumpster. 

Ferb and Vanessa sat outside on the curb, talking quietly. 

“Thanks, guys.” Phineas waved off the cleaning service as they dragged out the dumpster from their yard and sat next to Isabella, who was propped up against their big tree.

“Long night?” he teased.

“You should talk,” she laughed, settling her head on his shoulder. 

And slowly, accidentally, they dozed off. 

Out front, Ferb felt his eyes heavy but his mind alert. “Want to get breakfast?” 

“Ferb, you know I love you, but I think I need a quick nap before food.”

He grinned, understanding, and Vanessa told him she'd see him later to pick up her car.

She teleported her way home and Ferb retreated to his bedroom, where he knocked out the second his face hit the pillow.

***

When Ferb awoke again, he wasn’t sure about his existence. He was unsure of time as a general concept and didn’t quite understand what it was to be in a body, specifically his. He forced his eyes to blink open and, like most mornings, he spotted Phineas in his bed, head hanging off the edge and mouth open.

Ferb recognized the signs of a hangover for the second morning in a row. 

Fuck. 2:46 P.M.

He had half a mind to go back to sleep but his brain wouldn’t let him, so he forced himself out of bed and to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth to get that awful taste out of his mouth and had the longest pee of his life.

Downstairs, he found the house empty, save for Perry who was also napping in his bed. He cracked open an eye as Ferb walked past and hopped out of his bed to follow the boy. 

Ferb launched their breakfast station, the one that made waffles for them, and fished Perry’s food out of the pantry. The platypus waited by his bowl, tapping his paws against the ground lightly as Ferb poured him a bowl and sat next to him crosslegged, petting him as Perry ate.

He sang quietly. _Everything’s better with Perry…_ Until his coffee was ready and he grabbed the mug with the intention to sit right back down and spend some time with his pet. Phineas hobbled down the stairs before he got the chance.

“I smelled breakfast.”

“Cuts right through the migraine, hm?” Ferb prompted

Phineas smiled lazily, “Sure does,” and held out a plate for their breakfast gizmo to flip some waffles onto, along with a side of bacon and eggs. He wrinkled his nose at the full pot of coffee and grabbed a bottle of orange juice from the fridge, drinking straight from it. 

Ferb held in a laugh. It was only funny because this had to be his brother’s first hangover and Ferb recognized every one of the signs in himself. 

They sat across from each other at the table and Ferb lifted Perry to his lap where the animal made himself comfortable and drifted back off. 

“So, it is three in the afternoon, but I beckon you, dear brother, what _do_ you want to do today?”

Ferb smirked. “That’s two for two.”

Phineas’ expression shifted a few different times and settled on one of excitement. “Don’t be mad.” 

Ferb waited knowingly, gulping coffee. 

“I know what we’re gonna do today!”

***

Their hangover cure hadn’t taken them quite long at all. In fact, they were done before supper and none was the wiser, except for Candace, who demanded a sample of her own. 

At sunset, Vanessa came by to pick up her car and Ferb brought her a batch of their remedy. She seemed eternally grateful, promising to store it away for safekeeping. Apparently, the bulk of her own hangover had worn off earlier in the day. She drove them back to her place and led him up to the roof where the TV and couch were set up. They sat on the floor in front of the sofa as they had many times before, with a bag of chips and a bowl of popcorn. 

Ferb wasn’t much for snacks but Vanessa always made sure they had. Just in case. 

Like most nights, they didn’t spend much time actually watching the screen. The cityscape was better ambience than any show could provide and the sky was far too interesting to let fall to the background. The way it changed so quickly and didn’t care whether you noticed. It was something both Ferb and Vanessa could appreciate. 

As with most nights, they didn’t speak much. The comfortable silence tended to be enough of a bonding experience for them. Most people fidgeted in silence; filling it by talking about nothing. Ferb appreciated that Vanessa didn’t. 

Tonight, however, watching pink clouds in front of purple skies, Ferb decided maybe he felt like talking. He wrung his hands out as he turned the words over in his head a few times. It’d been so long since he’d willingly called this up to the surface.

He focused on a single cloud in the distance and didn’t move his gaze from it. “My mum loved sunsets. It’s one of the few things I remember about her.”

Ferb was hyperaware of the change in Vanessa’s stance and her attempt to cover it up. She leant back on her hands, feigning nonchalance. “Yeah?”

Ferb nodded. “We used to climb out on the top level’s window awning in London and watch nearly every night. Just me and her. Sometimes Dad joined.”

“Do you miss her?” It was an easy enough question.

Ferb was honest. “Sometimes. I know my family is here but sometimes... I see her face so clearly.” He swallowed, thinking back. “She, uh—we—“

“You don’t have to,” Vanessa said softly.

Ferb nodded, but he wanted to. He tried again. “She took me ‘round the shops one afternoon. For poundcake.” He stopped, letting out a humourless laugh. "We were meant to have guests later in the evening. She let me pick out the one I thought was best and told me to be careful carrying it on the way home. She held my hand while we waited at the crosswalk and I didn’t even really see it, so much as I felt her let go. She ran out into the intersection and all I really knew was that some twat blew a red light and my mother was dead on the ground. Apparently, she’d pushed some elderly man out of the way and had managed to take the hit for herself.” 

Vanessa seemed to hold her breath.

“I must’ve stood there for ages, holding onto that poundcake. One of the paramedics found me staring and sort of put two and two together. My dad was called and we went to see her in the hospital together, but I knew. I’d seen her body, I knew she was gone.” He took in a breath and didn’t like the way it sounded more like a gasp.

There were a few beats as he practiced breathing evenly and then Vanessa wrapped an arm around his shoulder. She must have felt it a bit awkward because she moved to his other shoulder instead, giving it a light squeeze. “Thank you for telling me.” 

“Thank you for listening.”

Ferb remembered the last time he told the story. He’d only ever told it twice—once to his father and once to Phineas.

It was weird because he’d been looking at the sky but he hadn’t really seen it change. Only now did he realize there was more blue and only a sliver of orange near the horizon. He wished there was less light pollution in Danville so they could see the stars. That reminded him of another story about his mom and he told Vanessa, which she then countered with a similar story about her father—although Ferb’s hadn’t involved ocelots. They spoke about their parents until blue turned to navy and navy turned to black. 

At the end of their night, Vanessa took the elevator down with Ferb, even though he could simply teleport from the apartment. Teleportation had certainly solved the traffic problem in Danville but there were always other complications. Sometimes teleportation messed with the frequency of sensitive equipment, and it was often risky for young children, elders, pregnant women and people with diverse health issues. And even so, some people just preferred to drive. This meant that Vanessa still owned a car, traffic lights stayed up all over the city, and parking meters were still a hassle. 

Vanessa offered to drive him home, now.

Ferb denied, thanking her but it was late. 

“What, are you worried about me?” she teased.

“Yes,” he admitted. 

They hugged goodbye and Vanessa held him by the shoulders before he turned away. “Thank you for trusting me.” 

He stared down at her, his gaze moving over her face. He found nothing but sincerity in her expression and nodded. He did trust her, Ferb realized.

He knelt closer for a second with the intention to do… something, he wasn’t quite sure what—but a certain feeling, logic or reasoning, maybe, stopped him and he pulled back just as quickly as he’d advanced. He searched her face one more time, watched it grow more serious or perhaps in understanding—perhaps he’d just been found out—before bidding her goodnight. 

Vanessa’s hair blew in the wind as she watched him turn away to fiddle with the watch he’d pulled from a pocket. And just as he’d set the coordinates for his home, she drew him in by the forearm and leveraged up on her tiptoes to kiss him. Ferb wasn’t quite sure exactly what was happening and felt like he’d missed it when she pulled away after the very brief moment. She looked unsure as she retreated slowly and then all at once and Ferb watched, looking for a way to read the thoughts in her head. 

Every reason they couldn’t be together fled from his mind all at once, and he couldn’t come up with a good enough reason not to press their mouths together again. He chased her as she pulled back, meeting her lips faster than she met his. 

And it was probably the best damn decision he’d ever made in his life. 

***

It was a week later when Ferb and Vanessa got to see each other properly again. It’d been a busy week for the both of them and now, for the first time in their lives, it was kind of… awkward. Neither of them knew what to say, which had never been an issue before because Ferb didn’t talk.

Luckily, the rest of their group joined them at their seats before the silence swallowed them whole. Jeremy and his old band were putting on what was sort of an outdoor concert at their local park. Of course, nothing was quite ordinary with the Flynn-Fletcher boys around. The stage was made of glass, floating above a pit of fire concentrated in a slab within the earth and the lights were iridescent, forming a kaleidoscope of colour all around them. Their group made their way to the front, as a crowd began to form. 

As Jeremy grabbed hold of the microphone and Coltrane started on the first bass notes, Ferb and Vanessa seemed to forget the awkwardness all together—everyone seemed to forget _life_ all together, the way concerts often make you do. Candace screamed in support and Jeremy winked at her before jumping in tandem with an excited crowd. 

It was so loud Ferb couldn’t hear himself sing, which was the only reason he did. He sang at Vanessa and she sang right back as they danced and jumped around. And just like that, he was kissing her again, in front of the beaming and flashing lights and music so loud it physically pounded his heart against his ribcage. He wasn't really sure what made him do it. He'd looked over at Vanessa, seen her soul shining from the inside out and hadn't really felt himself move.

Phineas turned to his brother to ask him something about the stage design, when he caught him in a lip-lock. Phineas turned to Isabella and nodded toward the couple, a giant grin plastered on his face. Isabella only smiled back and grabbed his hand to hold it up in the air, losing herself in the music just a little more.

Vanessa laughed and danced and spun Ferb around despite his taller build. He returned the favour, twirling him into her and holding her close as the closing chords of the song played out.

\--

At the end of the night, after the band had packed up and the fire was extinguished, the whole group sat in their favourite pizza place—the only one open this late. They had to push nearly all the tables in the restaurant together to seat everyone, and as Ferb looked around at all his friends, he couldn’t help but feel that he still hadn’t come down from the concert high. Many of them were flushed in the face and glassy-eyed, and he was certain he fit in right along with them. 

As he listened to various conversations around the table, Vanessa caught his attention with a hand on his knee. He looked at her, but she seemed to be in distant discussion with Isabella. Ferb wondered if she’d done it on purpose or somehow unconsciously, and finished the last of his pizza with his heart racing in his chest. 

By the time they left the light and warmth of the restaurant, Ferb felt that same weird emotion he’d felt the night Vanessa drove him home. Like somehow, something was simply wrong. He chalked it up to the frigidness of the wind and the sparse, lonely stars above him, and tried to grasp the last of his dissipating high.

The gang split off, waving and hugging their goodbyes, until it was only Phineas, Isabella, Vanessa, and Ferb. Phineas and Isabella looked just about ready to start on their walk home and Phineas asked out loud, out of pleasantry more than anything it seemed. Ferb told them he’d walk Vanessa home and catch up with them later.

Isabella and Phineas seemed to share a knowing look, but Ferb didn’t let himself register it. 

As he and Vanessa walked in silence, Ferb felt it again. That slight suffocating, sinking feeling.

Vanessa seemed to notice something was off. Perhaps she felt it, too. “What’s wrong?”

She asked it so matter-of-factly. Not “is something wrong?” or “are you okay?”. "What is wrong?” because she knew something was and wanted to know just what.

Ferb was honest. “I don’t know.”

Vanessa nodded and gave him space to think. He nearly asked her about work before he realized… Maybe this was still nagging at him. He'd been honest with her til now. 

He took in a sharp breath as he pulled back the words already in is throat. 

Vanessa looked at him expectantly, so he tried to rearrange this new line of thought into different words. “Do you… does my age make you uncomfortable?”

Vanessa stilled like she knew this would be a topic of conversation at some point, but wasn’t it expecting right at this moment. 

At some point through the asking of this question, or Vanessa contemplating her answer, they’d stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. 

“I… I know it’s kind of a big gap.”

Ferb felt like he was going to throw up.

“Sometimes, I feel like a creep,” she said softly. “But… I don’t know. You act older than your age, Ferb. I don’t see you as some little kid. If anything, you’re probably even more mature than I am.” 

She let out a little humourless laugh and Ferb felt the stones in his stomach roll around.

“Does my age make you uncomfortable?” she asked him back.

Ferb had to think. He wasn’t sure. He’d been trying to figure out this very question since the beginning of their friendship.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was a kid,” he blurted. Vanessa’s eyes widened but he stumbled out the rest of his thought before he lost his nerve. “I didn’t think you’d ever really feel the same so I just… never let myself think about it.”

She asked him again. “Does it make you uncomfortable, Ferb?”

Ferb looked at her and saw one of his best friends. She looked familiar and yet foreign all at once, like he’d just now noticed new, different features in her face beneath the moonlight—and the much brighter streetlight a little ways down the road.

He shook his head. “No. No, it doesn’t."

Vanessa looked for signs of deceit. She must have not found any because Ferb watched her smile form slowly. It was small and sincere and full of relief. “Okay, then,” she said.

The rest of the walk home was silent but comfortable, the way their friendship had always been, and Vanessa slid her palm against his. Ferb gave it a squeeze.

***

When Ferb got back, he found Phineas and Isabella outside on their front steps, talking in low voices. They both looked up at him as he lowered himself to sit on the sidewalk across from them. 

Late-night talks were always somehow about everything and nothing; so profound, and yet no one remembered them in the morning. Ferb's voice took on that same low, rasping tone as he spoke—the one that matched his friends' and indicated just how late it was. As he offered up some comment about the cosmos, he realized that, all at once, he felt light. A kind of lightness he hadn’t felt in years. Like he could think without that old, heavy weight in his chest, breathe without it, speak without it. 

And so, he did. And Phineas and Isabella listened.


End file.
